


sun & moon

by dramarama



Category: Monsta X (Band)
Genre: Depression, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, babyboykyun, dont read this, its messy, jooheons rlly concerned for his bby, nothing is capitalized im jus venting, sad!changkyun, ugly vent
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-03
Updated: 2017-12-03
Packaged: 2019-02-09 23:34:49
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 989
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12899262
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dramarama/pseuds/dramarama
Summary: changkyun has been suffering from depression since he was eleven. he’s insecure about a lot of things, but one thing that dominated them all was being upset. he doesn’t want to lose his boyfriend because of his actions.





	sun & moon

**Author's Note:**

> i wrote this fatty vent within like 1 hour so theres prolly lots of errors. uh,,, i have other shit i wanna put up but uh ,, when i make vent shit like this, changkyun’s gonna be a baby boy. other than that, jooheon’s a baby boy. ANYWAYS THIS IS RLLY RUSHED AND UGLY, IM SO SORRY.

his hair was still damp. drops of water fell from the ends, falling onto his skin. an amplified sigh fell from his lips as he looked down at the cold metal that he held firmly in between his fingers. he hasn’t done this in a year. a long year in fact. 

his seasonal depression explains why. when he was younger, august was the start of school. he, for some reason, always felt terrible throughout the month of august up until november. december held something close to him. it gave him a warm feeling. he felt so content in the month of december. he still felt the same, even as an adult.

today caught him off guard. he’s been sad off and on. wanting nothing more than to break every single thing in his room. he was so unstable. he was getting worse.

today started out fine. he woke up, a bright smile carried out during the day. then he remembered something. he doesn’t know why he gets such terrible deja vu or nostalgia, but once he gets it, it’s game over.

lim changkyun knew it was getting worse.

his depression was taking over. a vivid memory still lies in his mind of the day his tears came out excessively. he was so exhausted that day, he was sure what he was going to do. 

he wanted to die. he wants to die.

something held him back from taking action in what he wanted so badly. his boyfriend, jooheon.

jooheon is the sweetest boy ever and he always wants the best for changkyun. changkyun felt so insecure when he got upset. 

he also remembers the night he cried on jooheon’s chest, saying how much he wanted to be gone. it scared the older male out of his mind. he wouldn’t leave changkyun alone after he stated those horrific words.

changkyun can still picture the look at set across jooheon’s face, even if his vision was over the top blurry due to his tears. the image was permanently his to keep.

changkyun would do anything, give up anything, to be that happy boy jooheon has dreamt for. god, he’s so terrified that he’ll lose his boyfriend because his depression gets so bad.

changkyun couldn’t describe the confliction he was experiencing. he wanted to relapse, he wanted to so badly. but, at the same time, he really didn’t. it tugged on his mind. it’s like that shoulder ‘angel’ ‘devil’ thing. he wanted it, something was telling him to do it, but common sense told him no. everything was so hard, it gave him a headache.

his chest began to tighten once his thoughts consumed him. he choked back sobs, letting blade slipped from his fingers, hitting the cool tile. he brought his knees to his chest, sobbing. they were broken, harsh, hiccuped sobs. he was such a pussy. 

he was disgusting. he was unbelievable. he knows what he wants, but he’s too scared to do anything. not only does he feel like shit all the time, but not knowing what to do ate him up alive. even if he did tear his skin, once they healed, they’d easily blend in with his stretch marks that rests along his thighs and bottom. 

jooheon was home with him, he should’ve kept his sobs down, but they came out in a rush. he eventually started rocking back and forth, trying to calm himself, but it seemed so impossible.

soon, came the soft knock at the door.  
“baby.. are you okay?” the quiet, concerned voice said on the other side of the door. it made changkyun’s heart sink.

he didn’t reply, though, his sobs did die down. he wiped his eyes with the back of his hoodie sleeve, his lips trembling. he heard a sigh from jooheon. that worried changkyun the most. his heart was even heavier than before.

he’s tired. that’s all that changkyun could process. changkyun was a mess; jooheon fell for a happy boy. he isn’t happy anymore. he felt like jooheon was slipping. changkyun was sure he’d be gone if jooheon left his side. changkyun heard the door open. he didn’t dare look at his boyfriend’s pained expression. 

jooheon nearly frowned at the state his boyfriend was in. he stepped inside of the bathroom, the air feeling heavy and uncomfortable. he closed the door behind him before sitting on the cold tile, crossing his legs. his face showed concern, just like his voice did previously.

changkyun couldn’t just hide himself from jooheon. jooheon has /sadly/ seen worse from him. changkyun hesitantly looked at his boyfriend, his eyes red, his cheeks stained as his hair sat messily. he practically crawled to his boyfriend, burying his face in the older’s chest.

“joo… i don’t know what to do,” he said, his voice hoarse and utterly broken.

jooheon ran his fingers through the boy’s damp hair, shushing him.

“did you hurt yourself?” he mumbled, that being his main concern. changkyun looked up at him, his eyes doe. he was close to crying again. he shook his head, sighing softly.

“no, i didn’t,” he breathed, feeling pathetic and weak under his boyfriend’s hold, “i’m sorry.”

jooheon shook his head almost immediately.  
“please don’t be sorry, please,” jooheon begged and changkyun would be crazy to say that didn’t hurt him more.

they sat in silence after that. the silence wasn’t too uncomfortable, which was surprising. changkyun felt at home in jooheon’s arms. he didn’t want to cry anymore. he was emotionally drained and tired. 

jooheon no longer wanted to stay in the bathroom, and he was positive changkyun didn’t want to either. the taller figure carried changkyun back to their room. changkyun kept his arms wrapped around his boyfriend’s neck, his bare legs locked around his waist as he rested his head on jooheon’s shoulders.

changkyun was broken, he couldn’t deny that it was getting worse, but jooheon was his sun and well, changkyun was his moon.

**Author's Note:**

> ill edit this later. this was so messy OH MY GOD.


End file.
